If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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