Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
