i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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