I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
