what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
