walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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