whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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