i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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