After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
