Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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