just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
