Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
