I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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