guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
