Plan B is the new Plan A
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
