I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
