Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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