The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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