i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
