ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
