we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
