i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
