Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
