Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
