so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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