??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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