he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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