I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
