i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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