I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
