I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
