god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
