I accidentally burped into my bong.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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