actually, I'm a sock model
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
