Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
