Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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