i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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