Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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