so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have aggressive nipples.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
