1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
