I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
