i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
