there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
