so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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