I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
