we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
