Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
