So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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