And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
