If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
